Episode 1

Crabbie: Topic #1. Britney is shooting an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Will this resurrect Shitney's career or just give us fodder for more jokes?

DD: I think she'll do okay. It's kind of a retard show...she'll fit in.

Crabbie: I've never seen the show.

DD: You're lucky.

Crabbie: Her video was lame.

DD: I didn't think it was lame.

Crabbie: It sucked the fat one.

DD: I kinna like her music.

Crabbie says: Her music is awful and she is awful.

DD: Naaaaaaaa, you're listening to Radiohead, aren't you?

Crabbie: Not right now.

Here's the real question...will Britney ever marry Adnan?

DD: Oh, man..she might. She married that freak with the wagon wheel.

Crabbie: Jason Alexander, who maintains daily contact with Britney he says. And he is a lying sack of poop.

DD: He's a shit stain on the underpants of life. I hate that guy.

Crabbie: Your gift for imagery never ceases to amaze me.

DD: Oh shudup. Don't be a smarty-pants.

No, you really hate Brit's music?

Crabbie: It's awful.

DD: I never hated it, "Black Out"'s kinna good.

Crabbie: I'd rather listen to horses raping each other.

DD: You ever heard that? It's annoying.

Crabbie: I'd rather listen to Avril Lavigne being raped by a horse.

DD: I'd rather poke out my eardrums than hear Avril.

I think she's a man..a gay man..no offense.

Crabbie: Her husband looks like he has Down Syndrome.

DD: OMG..i know. He rides the short bus.

Crabbie: He looks like a blown-up photo of a midget.

DD: LMAO...yeah. Wonder where she found his lame little ass? Special school?



Crabbie: Okay, topic #2...Someone paid $40,000 to get a date with Scarlett Johansson on eBay. The question...is there anyone you would pay $40,000 to go on a date with?

DD: Yeah if I had 40 grand.

Crabbie: Yes, the question assumes that. It's not a reality-based question.

DD: Uhhh, yeah...stop being a twerp.

I'd get me some Hugh Laurie. You?

Crabbie: Hugh Laurie also.

Commenters are also invited to weigh in on this.

DD: You'd do Hugh?

Crabbie: Sure why not? He's British.

DD: He's hot...or I'd spend money on that hot guy Jen Aniston isnt fucking.
Jason Lewis..that's it.

Crabbie: I'd spend $40,000 teaching Jason Lewis how to speak proper English. He seems troglodyte to me. Not as bad as Robbie Williams.

DD: Robbie Williams makes me vomit blood..did you see that mangina vid?

Crabbie: No and I don't want to.

DD: Ick.

Crabbie: What doesn't make you vomit blood by the way?

DD: Blood. I keep that down fine.

Crabbie: What type do you prefer?

DD: Negative. Too much sunshine hurts me.

Crabbie: You water that down at all or just slam it straight?

DD: Straight from the vein..but only with permission, I'm not a monster ya know.



Crabbie: All right then, moving on: Topic #3 - Ashton Kutcher's media-punking crusade. Brilliant or lame as fuck?

DD: Lame as fuck. Who gives two shits if some greaser gave Longwhoria a fake necklace??? That's beyond lame..besides I heard Kutcher stole the whole idea from Anna Nicole.

Crabbie: Wow, Anna Nicole had an idea. Then she had to take a two week nap.

DD: She did..and Kutcher and her are both geniuses.

Crabbie: I'm proud to say I never posted on Paris's guru, Avril being pregnant or the Longoria necklace thing. I think I have anti-Kutcher radar.

DD: I think so.

I didn't becase it was boring and I'm lazy.

Crabbie: He should do a funny bit. Like clean Keanu Reeves up or convince everyone Jennifer Aniston actually has sex.

DD: Keanu ain't that good of an actor. I'd need photos.

Crabbie: Kutcher should buy Keanu a comb.

DD: Kutcher should get his wife to introduce him to someone besides D- listers. No one gives a fart in a windstorm about Avril or ParAss.

Crabbie: I think Kutcher may be fucking Rumer.

DD: You think they're having intercourse or you think they're the same person?

Crabbie: Both.

DD: You have something there. Let's start that rumor.

Crabbie: I think we just did

DD: Heheheheh

Crabbie: Okay next topic...the chick who stayed on the toilet for 2 years. Crazy or brilliant?

DD: I saw that on your blog..OMFG.

Hey my ass is grown into a toilet seat..I don't need mental help. Fuck! Is she a Spears?

Crabbie: I think she may be on to something.

DD: Yeah and it says Kohler.

Crabbie: No but seriously...this could be a lifestyle trend. Fuck the modern world...just stay on your toilet. It's an act of protest against the madness of society.

DD: Gross..I don't even like going to the potty. It's not lady-like.

Crabbie: Sounds like you have issues.

DD: So I've been told...I wish that commenter would name my issues..save my shrink some time.

Crabbie: Here we go...controversial topic: Commenters. Do we love them or hate them?

DD: Mostly I love them. But some anon ones are just well...some aren't bright.

I love the ones that send me their pics though and are funny.

Crabbie: Butt-kisser.

DD: You have a different crowd.

Crabbie: My crowd is people who hate Angelina. I should change the name of my site to Crabbie's Angelina Bashfest.

DD: Big crowd.

Your posters are more political and argumentative. Mine are mostly moms and chicks.

Crabbie: Mine only get political and argumentative because I purposely try to enrage them.

DD: Well there's that. I'm surprised so few catch on.

Crabbie: They enjoy their rages. It's a drug to them and I'm the pusher.

DD: You push all right. You push harder than D-Listed guy at an orgy.

Crabbie: Speaking of that...what do we think of other bloggers? We hate most of them don't we?

DD: No, but there are a few. Perez has become so boring.

Crabbie: He's my idol. I've patterned my entire would-be career after him.

DD: Oh right. You hate him, stop brown-nosing.

What's your fav celeb blog..besides ours?

Crabbie: That's a good question. I barely read them. I just get material from them.

DD: I read them all.

Crabbie: I have to say, Drunken Stepfather has a nice bit. I wish I had his talent for complete insanity.

DD: I have favs..I love Faded Youth, I love Hollyscoop, and yeah Drunk Stepdad is pretty funny.

You think that's all a persona?

Crabbie: I hope it is. If it's real then he should be locked up.

DD: You'd think.

Crabbie: He's probably an accountant.

DD: He's probably a woman.

Crabbie: He/she is one sick puppy, that's all i know.

DD: So is D-Listed guy...I think he's old.

Crabbie: I don't think so.

DD: I think so...some of the things he says sounds like shit from my youth and I'm ancient.

Crabbie: Maybe. I'd still write his site on weekends, aping his style, for a few hundred bucks a month if he asked.

DD: You could leave out the gay sex description. I don't need to hear about anal explosions, bukakeem, snowballs, etc.,

Crabbie: He'd have to pay extra for that.