Chat here bitches.

DD and Crabbie's Gossip Smackdown - Fullscreen

Crabbie says:
All right, we need a topic. Wino. Does she deserve to go to prison for headbutting that Muslim?

DirtyDisher says:
Hmmm. He was Muslim?

Crabbie says:
He has a Muslim name. So I'm just assuming.

DirtyDisher says:
Well, yeah, she can't go around assaulting peoples
DirtyDisher says:
but not a long sentance...she's fragile

Crabbie says:
I wonder if they could get her for a hate crime, given that he is probably Muslim

DirtyDisher says:Pprobably. She hates everyone that interfears with her doing her drugs though

Crabbie says:
Jail is good for singers. It didn't hurt Chuck Berry any.

DirtyDisher says:
What was he in jail for?

Crabbie says:
Various things

DirtyDisher says:
Ambiguous

Crabbie says:
They got him for transporting a woman across a state line for immoral purposes once

DirtyDisher says:
They should have got him for his music

Crabbie says:
Anyway, wino will have lots of good material now. Plus the jail term will allow her to feel closer to Blake.

DirtyDisher says:
Uh hu, and her toilet
DirtyDisher says:
Hey, what do you think of Locklear looking bikini hot and Richards being...porked?


(Tit for tat, Richards, Ha..suck it in.)

Crabbie says:
I think denise should kill Heather Locklear and made a lampshade out of her

DirtyDisher says:
Bitch! Heather is nice

Crabbie says:
You sound like all those Aniston fans getting made at me now

DirtyDisher says:
I do? Well, Angelina is saving the world, you're just a meanie

Crabbie says:
I don't care about either one of them. What difference does it make if I make fun of Jennifer Aniston? When did she become immune to mockery?

DirtyDisher says:
When Brad dumped her for the bloodsucker,
DirtyDisher says:
she then sprouted wings, a halo and smartwater

Crabbie says:
Well, I don't care about that. Aniston is lame and I'm going to rip her all I want.

DirtyDisher says:
You do that.....you'll get torn apart
DirtyDisher says:
Actually I don't care either..it's just that Aniston is less annoying

Crabbie says:
She's plenty annoying. Blandness is annoying.

DirtyDisher says:
Jeez
DirtyDisher says:
I feel bland..kill me too
DirtyDisher says:
What else?

Crabbie says:
Mariah Carey's little mishap on gma. Not nearly entertaining enough for me. I wanted a bank of lights to fall on her or some pyrotechnics to set her hair on fire.




(go to 3 min to see what Crabbie meant. Mariah turns, hiding her rage, and sings "Stop singing my part, baby."


DirtyDisher says:
That backup twat who sang her part will now die
DirtyDisher says:
Mariah don't mess around

Crabbie says:
I read someplace where that same singer did the same thing another time

DirtyDisher says:
Shes dead
DirtyDisher says:
Mariah is probably the meanest most self important person alive

Crabbie says:
She's a great example of why celebrity worship is destructive to humanity. The validation she's received has turned her into the hideous beast she is today.

DirtyDisher says:
No lie..she's out of control
DirtyDisher says:
Winehouse needs to get ahold of her weave while she's cranking

Crabbie says:
Winehouse needs to be sterilized before it's too late

DirtyDisher says:
Enough speedballs might do the trick,
DirtyDisher says:
she'll give birth to an eight ball.

Crabbie says:
She'll give birth to one of those babies from It's Alive

DirtyDisher says:
Ha....they were cuter than some celeb babies

Crabbie says:
I thought you never said anything bad about babies
DirtyDisher says:
I never mentioned a name..Princess
Tiáamii
DirtyDisher says:
ooops
DirtyDisher says:
poor kid


(Okay, she's a sweet innocent baby with pretty eyes, but, you know damn well this kid isn't winning any baby contests.)


Crabbie says:
That kid has no chance of living

DirtyDisher says:
She'll make it..she'll be tough
DirtyDisher says:
She'll have her own reality show

Crabbie says:
Yeah, by the age of six

DirtyDisher says:
Maybe
DirtyDisher says:
just think..she has a mom who's had so much surgery she doesn't know her..a dad who's gay..a brother whos blind and mentally retarded and autistic who beats her up..and she's been a spectacle since birth
DirtyDisher says:
its a sure hit

Crabbie says:
It's a sure hostage situation

DirtyDisher says:
Scientology could cure all that shit

DirtyDisher says:
I'm going to join...Travolta could fix my blog

Crabbie says:
Travolta can't zip his own fly

DirtyDisher says:
Ummm, only YOU noticed that
DirtyDisher says:
Oh oh...I have this cool reader who's a pilot and I cant use his name but he writes me about celeb pilots
DirtyDisher says:
He says Travoltas a joke and a terrible dangerous pilot
DirtyDisher says:
He flies with them all

Crabbie says:
Travolta's protected by Xenu so he'll be okay

DirtyDisher says:
Well, the real aviation people don't think so,..they'd rather go up in a hot air ballon powered by Steve-O farts

Crabbie says:
I notice you never hear about Cruise flying with Travolta

DirtyDisher says:
Supposedly Cruise is becoming a pilot too, thats the aviation buzz

Crabbie says:
He probably thinks he already knows how cause he was in Top Gun

DirtyDisher says:
Yeah, he can dance in his underwear, he should be able to pilot a jet with no instruction
DirtyDisher says:
Its' sad you name your kid Jet, the lock him in an attic

Crabbie says:
It's sad you name your kid Jet period

DirtyDisher says:
true
DirtyDisher says:
Ella Blue isnt a lot better

Crabbie says:
Makes me think of Ella Guru by Captain Beefheart

DirtyDisher says:
okkkkkkkkkkk


(Oh, Bonnie Blue...Scarlett! Rhett! NOOOO!)

Crabbie says:
or Bonnie Blue Butler

DirtyDisher says:
Oh, she died!!!

Crabbie says:
Yes the horse. Terrible tragedy.

DirtyDisher says:
P oor Bonnie Blue!! Terrible

Crabbie says:
I see I touched a nerve with that one

DirtyDisher says:
Kids should never die or get sick

Crabbie says:
Good thing I didn't mention the one sister in little women who croaked. You might've had a breakdown.

DirtyDisher says:
Doubtful...I didnt like that book
DirtyDisher says:
The one guy had a girls name and Jo had a boys name and none of them were interesting

Crabbie says:
There were no vampires either. Very disappointing.

DirtyDisher says:
No shit..a little Lestat never hurt anyone,
DirtyDisher says:
which reminds me..Tom Cruise was a vampire too, he can do it all

Crabbie says:
He was a lame vampire, as was Brad Pitt
DirtyDisher says:
Brad was a hot vamp.....it's all over now
DirtyDisher says:
Gary Oldman was the hottest vamp of all time

http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o86/DirtyDisher/mine.jpg
(Oh, Oldman, I would dump Hugh Laurie for you. Call me.)

Crabbie says:
That movie was a tad overwrought
DirtyDisher says:
Bullshit..
DirtyDisher says:
it's the greatest love story of all time

Crabbie says:
I thought Milo and Otis was

DirtyDisher says:
Yuck..they abused the animals..that kittens ears were full of mites, its sick

Crabbie says:
Okay then
Crabbie says:
iIll never mention it again

DirtyDisher says:
good, I made Lis take it to her dads..sick thing

Crabbie says:
Gosh
Crabbie says:
Touched another nerve didn't i?

DirtyDisher says:
Animal abuse..yes




Crabbie says:
On a lighter note...it appears Gary Coleman and his wife are headed for a divorce. Couldn't have seen that one coming.

DirtyDisher says:
No way..they're both so hot

Crabbie says:
apparently Gary gets so angry he bangs his head against a wall

DirtyDisher says:
Umm..and how does that hurt him?
DirtyDisher says:
Is she still a virgin?

Crabbie says:
i don't know. I was going to say, at least Gary bangs something, cause he ain't banging her.

DirtyDisher says:
Yeah, he's waiting. Gary is going to heaven
DirtyDisher says:
She's going to the bank with all his money..$4.79

Crabbie says:
Coleman's loaded I read. All the dvd sales of Different Strokes. Plus the liquor stores he knocked over with Todd Bridges and Dana Plato back in the day. He socked all that away.

DirtyDisher says:
Then she can fix her Gary Busey teeth

Crabbie says:
He ain't that loaded

DirtyDisher says:
I have a feeling hes always loaded
DirtyDisher says:
They have a step stool at the liquor store

Crabbie says:
Wesley Snipes going to jail. We care about that?

DirtyDisher says:
I love him,
DirtyDisher says:
he's so cool.....fucker gotta pay his taxes though
DirtyDisher says:
Don't send him to jail!!!!!!

Crabbie says:
You could always be his pen pal
DirtyDisher says:
Hey, I could do that
DirtyDisher says:
add him to the list of jail friends I write

Crabbie says:
I find it amusing that Woody Harrelson's letter on behalf of Snipes was not enough to sway the judge. Woody has no clout whatsoever.

DirtyDisher says:
He wrote it on pressed hemp
DirtyDisher says:
then he rolled it and smoked half of it

Crabbie says:
what do we make of the Cameron Diaz/Ashton Kutcher feud?

DirtyDisher says:
Rep fight
DirtyDisher says:
My reps smarter than your rep

Crabbie says:
I need a rep. Will you be my rep?

DirtyDisher says:
Yeah and you be mine..talk to blogger when they delete me

Crabbie says:
Okay. And you can answer all my nasty posters by calling them cunts.

DirtyDisher says:
I'll be yours...Crabbie Von Crabtree has issued a statement saying he, in no way, meant to piss Catholics off and is sorry if you took his sense of humor in a way that implied malice. Crabbie will be donating $1.75 to the Popes fund for putting boy loving priests in the Vatican witness protection program.
DirtyDisher says:
you CUNT HOLE CUNTS
DirtyDisher says:
hows that?

Crabbie says:
It's nice but a lie. I'm not only implying malice, I'm explicitly trying to be malicious.

DirtyDisher says:
I thought they were the same because they started with M...I'm in the Jessica aSimpson school of journalisim
DirtyDisher says:
and typing

Crabbie says:
Anything else? i'm tapped out.
Crabbie says:
Oh fuck...Pete Doherty is becoming a muslim

DirtyDisher says:
What????????????????? Get out!

Crabbie says:
http://www.showbizspy.com/2008/04/25/pete-doherty-turns-to-islam/
Crabbie says:
The muslims could use some good p.r.

DirtyDisher says:
Oh for crap sake!
DirtyDisher says:
No more religious celebs..he's banned from DD now,
DirtyDisher says:
cute as I find him..no

Crabbie says:
I'm sorry. I've basically ruined your day.

DirtyDisher says:
you really did...you know I love Pete
DirtyDisher says:
He can go peddle that shit on the steet corner where he buys lame ass nickel bags

Crabbie says:
He'll never stick with it

DirtyDisher says:
ukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
DirtyDisher says:
Kabalah strings, korans, alien Scientolo-weirdos and Lynn Spears leaving her pregnant teen in the hands of God
DirtyDisher says:
Spare me all of it and Michael Lohan too.

Crabbie says:
Don't forget the Pope

DirtyDisher says:
You know what?..fuck him too

Crabbie says:
There, now you're evil too
Crabbie says:
Welcome to the club

DirtyDisher says:
Aint no secret, bub
DirtyDisher says:
And fuck Hindus and Wiccans and Druids and Pagans and Jehovas and Mormans and fuck em all

Crabbie says:
My my

DirtyDisher says:
and Buddists
DirtyDisher says:
And what else is there? Well, fuck them too.

Crabbie says:
You're going to leave all this in?

DirtyDisher says:
Yeah
DirtyDisher says:
It's the truth

Crabbie says:
A lot of things are the truth, that doesn't mean we say them on Smackdown

DirtyDisher says:
Oh and Athiests..fuck them...just cause
DirtyDisher says:
Y ou think I should censor myself?

Crabbie says:
Doesn't matter to me

DirtyDisher says:
Ok then
DirtyDisher says:
i dont give two shits

Crabbie says:
Clearly

DirtyDisher says:
Fuck Jesus! how's that?
DirtyDisher says:
Just everyone needs to shut up and worship alone

Crabbie says:
and let all those nice churches go to waste?

DirtyDisher says:
Don't bother me with that fairy tale shit

DirtyDisher says:
Fuck churches....fuck Alister Crowley and his black and white..fuck Santorina

Crabbie says:
You've gone completely off the rails

DirtyDisher says:
Fuck Lutherans, Protestants, Holy Rollers, Babtists and all of 'em
DirtyDisher says:
Shut up and leave people alone

Crabbie says:
This is your Arthur Godfrey moment

DirtyDisher says:
I'm not as fat as him
DirtyDisher says:
I think I just got so worked up I peed myself

Crabbie says:
That doesn't surprise me

DirtyDisher says:
Voodoo makes the most sense, but, I cant follow that because I cant dance
DirtyDisher says:
Nothing surprises you

Crabbie says:
It doesn't surprise me that you would pee yourself given the severity of your tirade

DirtyDisher says:
And my lack of bladder control
DirtyDisher says:
I'm old ya know
DirtyDisher says:
No really..why cant people just leave other people be? It's all so out of hand, always has been

Crabbie says:
I don't know

DirtyDisher says:
tommarrow will be a better day

Crabbie says:
I hope so

DirtyDisher says:
Besides I LOVE hate mail

Crabbie says:
You must

DirtyDisher says:
Yep and that's a wrap,
DirtyDisher says:
as they say in the bizz

Crabbie says:
You the director now?

DirtyDisher says:
You're always the star so I must be
DirtyDisher says:
Fellini with boobies

Crabbie says:
Fellini's boobies were pretty big

DirtyDisher says:
So are mine

Crabbie says:
He had Mastroianni and you have me...you got shafted

DirtyDisher says:
No, I think I'm doing fine
DirtyDisher says:
Mastroianni wouldn't stay up all night to make sure I got the latest Lohan movie

Crabbie: Okay, topic #1 for this pivotal third edition of the Smackdown. Angelina Jolie. It's been an eventful couple of weeks. She has apparently come down with gestational diabetes plus she and Brad are sleeping in a 9 foot bed once owned by a professional wrestler.
[long pause]
I've left you speechless on this one.

DD: Naaaa, I was checking out Ashlee Simpson's new shoes.

Gestational diabetes is common, I had it. It goes away once the kid's born, besides her sister-licking brother blabbed it.

Crabbie: Her gestational diabetes is worse though because she's Angelina.

DD: This is true, we must protect the queen.

Crabbie: Angie has more ailments than a whole nursing home put together.

DD: You would too if you were a bisexual former heroin addict who gave it all up to have 37 children with a former hottie who now looks like Robert Urich.

Crabbie: Wow. What did Robert Urich ever do to you? Didn't he die by the way?

DD: Who cares? Besides, Angie's out of blood, Billy Boob got it in the divorce. She got Maddox.

Crabbie: It would've been cruel to give Maddox to Billy Bob. Maddox would be a skinny chain-smoking wacko with an irrational fear of oranges and antique chairs by now.

DD: Which is much worse than being the king of mini-mogul Mohawks and toddler practical jokes.

Crabbie: He's also a little humanitarian who began putting together CARE packages for soldiers on his own initiative.

DD: Yeah right. Well, he is an amusing little thing..he cracks me up

Crabbie: Yeah he's a pip. He's a little Asian Hayden Panettiere.

DD: Don't even. You should refrain from mentioning her when we talk.



Crabbie: I think it's time to address your apparently pathological hatred for Hayden Panettiere. It's disturbing frankly.

DD: I'm disturbed by someone who thinks whales should not be Japanese food, but, makes patent leather purses. Be consistent god damn it.

I want the Japanese to eat her...Panti-sushi.

Crabbie: They already have, trust me.

DD: No, she's a virgin who's ever tasted booze. Never.

Crabbie: She's tasted Milo Ventimiglia's shaft but never sampled spirits.

DD: Yeah, older man peen doesn't count. Milo is kind of cute, but, he's not nice to her. He denied he had a girlfriend while he was banging her underage ass three ways from Sunday.

Crabbie: That's called covering yourself legally. Not a bad move.

DD: Oh please, it's not like she's Miley Cyrus.

Crabbie: Yeah that would be disgusting, Milo and Miley. Oh my head would explode.

DD: So would Billy Ray's.

Crabbie: Billy Ray would get out the shotgun.

DD: He'd take away her cell phone if she got knocked up. That's parenting damn it.

Crabbie: Unless he's the one knocking her up.

DD: Oh, nooooo, that was way beyond mean. You're evil.

Crabbie: Oh sorry, I stepped over the line by suggesting Billy Ray Cyrus has an incestuous fixation on Miley. Has the Papa Joe example taught us nothing?

DD: Joe is..like, some horror movie dad. And Michael Lohan is right next to him on the perv scale.

Crabbie: Speaking of Lohans...what do we think of Lindsay's new role as Nancy Pitman?

DD: Gawd, if Nancy Pitman was just like Lohan she can play her..she can only play herself.

Crabbie: I'd still rather see Lindsay as Charlie Manson himself. I think she could pull it off.

DD: Samantha Ronson could.

Crabbie: Charlie's way cuter. Plus Ronson is too busy munching Mischa Barton now. Oh...that sounds like the title of a quirky Indie flick.

DD: Ronson's still munching Blow..oh, they were at Hyde last night not drinking or snorting, yeah. Hyde is so over.

Crabbie: I wouldn't know. I'm not plugged into the L.A. club scene like you are.

DD: Yeah, I'm such a Renaissance chick.

So who's the blind item [featured on Crabbie's Hollywood]????

Crabbie: I have no idea. It was some dude in News of the World who started it. I'm beginning to suspect April Fool's Day prankage on that one.



Crabbie: Okay, next topic. You've got Heather Mills getting mad at Paul McCartney because he has a new woman.

DD: That cunt's mad when the breeze blows in Paul's direction. Man, she's a freak. She's gonna take him back to court for the oxygen he breathes.

Crabbie:
It would've been cheaper for Paul to just have the bitch bumped off.

DD: I wonder why he hasn't?

Crabbie: Hitmen aren't as easy to come by as they used to be, plus he's afraid she'd only come back to life even more powerful than before.

DD: She's unstoppable..like Satan, only Satan is just some lame story, Mills is real.

The Aleister Crowley cult will soon leave his memory and build horned alters to Heather Mills.

They'll sacrifice people because Heather won't let them kill chickens.

Crabbie: Their one-legged statue will keep falling over though.

DD: I never thought of that.

Crabbie: I guess they could always give it a peg leg.

DD: Or a pig leg..so she'd learn to cry. Pigs are mistreated!

Crabbie: I'm sorry I was too busy chomping bacon.

It makes sense that Heather would feel bad for pigs. She was born of one.

DD: Insulting to hogs everywhere...even bacon is more fun to talk to than Heather.

Crabbie: Bacon also doesn't set off fireworks that kill the neighbor's dog.

DD: Yeah, she got reamed for that. Oh man, that judge said she didn't contribute to charity and called her dishonest. Fuck! I knew it!

Crabbie: He'll be killed too. Heather will get revenge on all of us in the end. Like Carrie.

DD: Yep, only people blood on the prom dress.



Crabbie: Speaking of blood...Paris Hilton got injured in a pap stampede. Hopefully she'll be so traumatized she never goes out in public again.

DD: She hurted her chin...can't give head. Benji's never had head before..he's heartbroken.

Crabbie: He's had head from Joel.

DD: Twins share a lot huh?

Crabbie: I'm fascinated by how crazed the European paps get. They don't seem to know that Paris is over.

DD: Oh, speaking of twins..i heard the Olsens are fighting over their fortune.

Crabbie: I hope Mary-Kate kills Ashley then calls herself instead of 911.

DD: They don't do 911, they do personal servants.

Crabbie: I still don't get why they're famous. They're not even attractive. They're like little albino freaks that stumbled out of a cave and now can't find their way back to their underground kingdom.

DD: They have a billion dollar fashion business, they're actually quite bright, if a bit odd. They didn't blow their money like Brit. And they only blow rich guys..princes and Greek shipping heirs.

Crabbie: They could do all that stuff without having to be in the papers.




Crabbie: Perez has a picture of that one Osbourne kid you never see.

DD: I saw it on there or somewhere else. Must be the smart one.

Crabbie: Or the agoraphobic one.

DD: If she never left the house, we'd have seen her. Since they had cameras up every orifice.

Crabbie: Don't talk about Osbourne orifices, I just ate.

DD: Sorry...I'll have Sharon send you an autographed photo of her groupie twat.

Crabbie: It's probably unrecognizable by now after all the plastic surgery.

DD: It might look like..................a twat!

Crabbie: Sharon looks like a twat for sure, and sounds like one.

DD: I like her. She's mean and meaner.

Crabbie: She's crazed.

DD: Ozzy is brain damaged.

Crabbie: She makes Ozzy look stable.

DD: Oh come on, no one could do that. He cooks eggs in a woman's bathrobe and shower cap.

Oh, wait..so do you.

Crabbie: At least I put slippers on.

DD: Bunny slippers.

Crabbie: Pink.

DD: I know. That's Brit's favorite color too. See how much you have in common?

Crabbie: We're like sisters.

DD: Yeah, bonded by Chips Ahoy and hair weaves. Just kidding..you have great hair.

Crabbie: Gee thanks.

Crabbie: Okay here we are again talking some celebrity smack. First topic: Heather Mills. She got $50 million in her divorce settlement but wanted something like $250 million when it started. So, basically, she got owned.

DD: She deserved nothing past what her child should get.

Crabbie: She deserved nothing period except a good smack across the mouth with her own wooden leg. She is the most vile person on the face of the earth.

DD: The world knew she was a whore, now they know what Paul pays for whores.

Crabbie: That's a pretty expensive whore. I doubt she was worth it. Even Eliot Spitzer wouldn't pay that much.

DD: Mills will be humping him next.

Crabbie: Is he into stumps?

DD: Stump-humping is all the rage.

Crabbie: "Rage" being the operative word with Heather. She is seething with it. She tries to seem reasonable but you can tell she's always on the verge of exploding.

DD: Oh, you got that right. She's wicked scary. But, now she has no gag clause, so she can ream Paul day and night and sideways. And she will.

Crabbie: Now she can use all Paul's money to buy a nice bedpan. That was my favorite story in the whole thing, that he wouldn't let her have a bedpan and she had to crawl to the toilet.

DD: I loved that one too. She can't get her one-legged ass to the toilet at night but she can dance with the stars..go figure. And he kicked her, didn't he? While she was pregnant.

Crabbie: And threw her into a coffee table also I believe. I'd like to believe it all really happened. I laugh at the idea of her in excruciating pain.

DD: Too bad Linda never complained. I mean Heather wouldn't....lie!???

Crabbie: Linda had her own issues. I don't think those sprouts she was eating were enough. She looked like Karen Carpenter's sicklier sister.

DD: Okay then..not touching that. I wait patiently for the day PETA catches Mills chowing on a cheeseburger.

Crabbie: I wait patiently for the day Mills becomes a cheeseburger.

DD: Even better.

Crabbie: "Heather Mills Falls Into Meat Grinder." That's the headline I long to see. Poetic justice. I'd eat that meat too. Eat it right up.

DD: Heather Mills would live through it and start a ground bitch dancing studio.

Crabbie: Hopefully this money will encourage her to just go away but you know it won't.

DD: No, she thinks we like her in America..we're going to end up with Stumpy McWhore just like we got the Beckhams.

Crabbie: It won't take long for people to catch on. We know a phony when we see one.

DD: Uhhh while I'm here, explain to me what the fuck "poetic justice" means? Why's it poetic?

Crabbie: Cause it's ironic. It's symmetrical. It's oddly appropriate.

DD: None of those things mean "poetic." You don't know. I finally found something you dont know.

Crabbie: It's just called that. It's an expression. What the hell?

DD: Okay then..moving along...



Crabbie: Okay, topic #2...Halle Berry's kid. More interesting than Jennifer Lopez's kids or less.

DD: Less. Halle only had one..that is unacceptable by Hollywood standards. Everyone's popping double...Halle needs to understand what's in.

Crabbie: I couldn't care less if she popped quadruple, she's uninteresting. Not to be controversial, but the only reason she wins awards is because she's black. She's a lousy actress who would get no parts if she were white.

DD: She's black?? I don't think so.

Crabbie: I know she's black. Cause she won Best Actress for Monster's Ball even though she's terrible. Her blackness is the only explanation.

Of course that doesn't explain all the awards Meryl Streep has won...

DD: Oh jeez, you know they can act. You're a pill today.

Crabbie: Berry can't. She's a soap opera actress at best. Streep has good technique but no soul.

DD: Streep is a fucking icon..wtf?

Crabbie: I don't care if she's an icon. She stinks. Katharine Hepburn trashed her and so did Pauline Kael.

DD: Hepburn was.....irritating.

Crabbie: She knew what she was talking about.

DD: That voice..omg.

Crabbie: Streep makes such bad choices. Like in Lions for Lambs when she's in the middle of a big confrontation scene and starts fiddling with the thermostat. That's the shit that drives me nuts. It's like, "Look at what a brilliantly creative actor I am. I'm fiddling with the thermostat in the middle of the scene." And everyone goes nuts for that. It adds nothing to the scene.

DD: It adds.....the human touch.

Crabbie: No...it adds the phony, "look at me I'm acting" touch.

DD: Like right now..I'm fiddling with the thermostat.

Crabbie: You're turning it down so your place becomes a refrigerator.

DD: How did you know that?


DD: Never mind, here's a subject i really am passionate or pissed off about.
Did you read that Brad and Angie just bought a mansion in France????

Crabbie: Yes.

DD: How many god damn ranches, mansions, townhouses, condos, estates, islands and penthouses do those fuckers need or deserve?????????

Crabbie: They need someplace to flee when the shit hits the fan over here.

DD: It pisses me off that the world thinks actors deserve to be paid so much. They don't even rent when they're vacation..they just buy the whole god damn country and adopt the population. Then they hire 39 more nannies and dry hump.

Crabbie: I have a hard time ripping anyone else for being rich when I'd do the same shit if I were rich.

DD: If you tried to appear as if you were the largest humanitarian effort in the world? It kills me.

Crabbie: Everybody needs to relax sometimes. Especially if you're the largest humanitarian effort in the world.

DD: Go on holiday...don't buy a Third World country and then move a week later.

Crabbie: What if the Third World country is on sale?

DD: Then she'll buy three. And if Brad didn't like it he could go get his nuts out of her Hermes and take a hike.

Crabbie: You're clearly angry today.

DD: A little. I want a house. I want a damn nice house too and that fucking Angelina has 80 of them. She should give me one, she'd never miss it, and I could clean up the afterbirth and sell that on eBay.

Crabbie: Stop kissing up to the Angelina haters.

DD: You can stop calling me "kiss-ass" too..,you know better. It's a sad day when that's all you've got.

Crabbie: Sorry, but I have a hard time getting worked up over Brad and Angie buying a house. Oh my God...did they put on a new deck? Those fucking bastards!

DD: That's because you live in an actual building, with some character. I live in ghetto hell with fucktard greasy wads of 5th grade educated shit. Jethro Bodine on meth.

Crabbie: Is this Gossip Smackdown or Dirty Disher Whinefest?

DD: Point taken...pill taken.


DD: P. Diddy or whatever that fool is calling himself now is in trouble. Did you see that?

Crabbie: No. What did the stupid bastard do? Shoot someone else in the eye?

DD: LA times says he's suspected in the shooting of Tupac.

Crabbie: I thought Biggie shot Tupac.

DD: "Now, newly discovered information, including interviews with people who were at the studio that night, lends credence to Shakur's insistence that associates of rap impresario Sean "Diddy" Combs were behind the assault." LA Times.

Crabbie: I think this calls for a revenge shooting.

DD: So Biggie shot Tupac but then Biggie got killed and Shakur says it was Diddy, right? I have a headache, I marked it to read later.

Crabbie: We sound like lame white people when we talk about Biggie.

DD: I am lame white people.

Shakur's people say it was Diddy..that guys so shady.

Crabbie: He's the real Slim Shady. No wait, that's Eminem.

DD: No one better hurt my boy Em.

Crabbie: Kim's gonna pay someone to bump him off one day.

DD: That's big though if they can tie Sean Combs to murder. Other than the dog jackets he sells.

Crabbie: I think he should get back together with Lopez. They were the Lucy and Desi of their day.

DD: He nearly got her big ass killed too.

Crabbie: Yes when he shot that bitch in the eye. I thought it was hilarious how fast Lopez dumped him.

DD: She ducked and dumped. Didn't narc on him though.

Crabbie: She didn't want to get popped too. Nobody crosses Diddy.

DD: Then she left him and started up with the whitest guy on planet Earth.

Crabbie: Karl Rove?

DD: I mean Ben Affleck, but, maybe.

Crabbie: Affleck is down with the bruthas.

DD: Yeah right...the bruthas that own stock in the plaid shirt factory.

When do you think we'll get photos of the J-Lo twinsies??

Crabbie: As soon as the check clears.

DD: 'Bout right. Having a kid is big business in Hollywood. The rest of us shlubs make payments to Sears and Roebuck to reproduce our rugrats' hairlip for posterity.

Crabbie: Some of us do.

DD: Yeah, so sad.

Crabbie: Wow, what a depressing note. Okay, I think that'll about wrap it up for today. Don't forget to take your medication.

DD: I did.

Crabbie: I meant the readers.

DD: Oh.

Crabbie says: I want Lisa Marie to sue me for calling her fat.

DD says: Yeah..she's fucking stupid, she said she had hoped to announce it to her family herself..well when you weigh 400 pounds they might have guessed.

Crabbie says: She was entering her fat Elvis's daughter phase.

DD says: Shes a weird fucktard. She shoulda stayed with wacko.

Crabbie says: He would've have normaled her up.

DD says: shudder

DD: She says they had normal sex. wtf do you think normal for them is?

Crabbie says: Her fucking him in his vagina with a wooden dildo?

DD says: And a monkey filming

Crabbie says: On roller skates

DD says: With party hats

Crabbie says: And tom cruise in a high chair

DD says: Wearing Suri's tap shoes and a feather boa

Crabbie says: While whistling the stars and stripes forever with his asshole

DD says: And a naked marching band of all tuba players

Crabbie says: Is this the marvelous witty stuff that will be on gossip smackdown?

DD says:OMG...yeah, lets do it

Crabbie: Topic #1. Britney is shooting an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Will this resurrect Shitney's career or just give us fodder for more jokes?

DD: I think she'll do okay. It's kind of a retard show...she'll fit in.

Crabbie: I've never seen the show.

DD: You're lucky.

Crabbie: Her video was lame.

DD: I didn't think it was lame.

Crabbie: It sucked the fat one.

DD: I kinna like her music.

Crabbie says: Her music is awful and she is awful.

DD: Naaaaaaaa, you're listening to Radiohead, aren't you?

Crabbie: Not right now.

Here's the real question...will Britney ever marry Adnan?

DD: Oh, man..she might. She married that freak with the wagon wheel.

Crabbie: Jason Alexander, who maintains daily contact with Britney he says. And he is a lying sack of poop.

DD: He's a shit stain on the underpants of life. I hate that guy.

Crabbie: Your gift for imagery never ceases to amaze me.

DD: Oh shudup. Don't be a smarty-pants.

No, you really hate Brit's music?

Crabbie: It's awful.

DD: I never hated it, "Black Out"'s kinna good.

Crabbie: I'd rather listen to horses raping each other.

DD: You ever heard that? It's annoying.

Crabbie: I'd rather listen to Avril Lavigne being raped by a horse.

DD: I'd rather poke out my eardrums than hear Avril.

I think she's a man..a gay man..no offense.

Crabbie: Her husband looks like he has Down Syndrome.

DD: OMG..i know. He rides the short bus.

Crabbie: He looks like a blown-up photo of a midget.

DD: LMAO...yeah. Wonder where she found his lame little ass? Special school?



Crabbie: Okay, topic #2...Someone paid $40,000 to get a date with Scarlett Johansson on eBay. The question...is there anyone you would pay $40,000 to go on a date with?

DD: Yeah if I had 40 grand.

Crabbie: Yes, the question assumes that. It's not a reality-based question.

DD: Uhhh, yeah...stop being a twerp.

I'd get me some Hugh Laurie. You?

Crabbie: Hugh Laurie also.

Commenters are also invited to weigh in on this.

DD: You'd do Hugh?

Crabbie: Sure why not? He's British.

DD: He's hot...or I'd spend money on that hot guy Jen Aniston isnt fucking.
Jason Lewis..that's it.

Crabbie: I'd spend $40,000 teaching Jason Lewis how to speak proper English. He seems troglodyte to me. Not as bad as Robbie Williams.

DD: Robbie Williams makes me vomit blood..did you see that mangina vid?

Crabbie: No and I don't want to.

DD: Ick.

Crabbie: What doesn't make you vomit blood by the way?

DD: Blood. I keep that down fine.

Crabbie: What type do you prefer?

DD: Negative. Too much sunshine hurts me.

Crabbie: You water that down at all or just slam it straight?

DD: Straight from the vein..but only with permission, I'm not a monster ya know.



Crabbie: All right then, moving on: Topic #3 - Ashton Kutcher's media-punking crusade. Brilliant or lame as fuck?

DD: Lame as fuck. Who gives two shits if some greaser gave Longwhoria a fake necklace??? That's beyond lame..besides I heard Kutcher stole the whole idea from Anna Nicole.

Crabbie: Wow, Anna Nicole had an idea. Then she had to take a two week nap.

DD: She did..and Kutcher and her are both geniuses.

Crabbie: I'm proud to say I never posted on Paris's guru, Avril being pregnant or the Longoria necklace thing. I think I have anti-Kutcher radar.

DD: I think so.

I didn't becase it was boring and I'm lazy.

Crabbie: He should do a funny bit. Like clean Keanu Reeves up or convince everyone Jennifer Aniston actually has sex.

DD: Keanu ain't that good of an actor. I'd need photos.

Crabbie: Kutcher should buy Keanu a comb.

DD: Kutcher should get his wife to introduce him to someone besides D- listers. No one gives a fart in a windstorm about Avril or ParAss.

Crabbie: I think Kutcher may be fucking Rumer.

DD: You think they're having intercourse or you think they're the same person?

Crabbie: Both.

DD: You have something there. Let's start that rumor.

Crabbie: I think we just did

DD: Heheheheh

Crabbie: Okay next topic...the chick who stayed on the toilet for 2 years. Crazy or brilliant?

DD: I saw that on your blog..OMFG.

Hey my ass is grown into a toilet seat..I don't need mental help. Fuck! Is she a Spears?

Crabbie: I think she may be on to something.

DD: Yeah and it says Kohler.

Crabbie: No but seriously...this could be a lifestyle trend. Fuck the modern world...just stay on your toilet. It's an act of protest against the madness of society.

DD: Gross..I don't even like going to the potty. It's not lady-like.

Crabbie: Sounds like you have issues.

DD: So I've been told...I wish that commenter would name my issues..save my shrink some time.

Crabbie: Here we go...controversial topic: Commenters. Do we love them or hate them?

DD: Mostly I love them. But some anon ones are just well...some aren't bright.

I love the ones that send me their pics though and are funny.

Crabbie: Butt-kisser.

DD: You have a different crowd.

Crabbie: My crowd is people who hate Angelina. I should change the name of my site to Crabbie's Angelina Bashfest.

DD: Big crowd.

Your posters are more political and argumentative. Mine are mostly moms and chicks.

Crabbie: Mine only get political and argumentative because I purposely try to enrage them.

DD: Well there's that. I'm surprised so few catch on.

Crabbie: They enjoy their rages. It's a drug to them and I'm the pusher.

DD: You push all right. You push harder than D-Listed guy at an orgy.

Crabbie: Speaking of that...what do we think of other bloggers? We hate most of them don't we?

DD: No, but there are a few. Perez has become so boring.

Crabbie: He's my idol. I've patterned my entire would-be career after him.

DD: Oh right. You hate him, stop brown-nosing.

What's your fav celeb blog..besides ours?

Crabbie: That's a good question. I barely read them. I just get material from them.

DD: I read them all.

Crabbie: I have to say, Drunken Stepfather has a nice bit. I wish I had his talent for complete insanity.

DD: I have favs..I love Faded Youth, I love Hollyscoop, and yeah Drunk Stepdad is pretty funny.

You think that's all a persona?

Crabbie: I hope it is. If it's real then he should be locked up.

DD: You'd think.

Crabbie: He's probably an accountant.

DD: He's probably a woman.

Crabbie: He/she is one sick puppy, that's all i know.

DD: So is D-Listed guy...I think he's old.

Crabbie: I don't think so.

DD: I think so...some of the things he says sounds like shit from my youth and I'm ancient.

Crabbie: Maybe. I'd still write his site on weekends, aping his style, for a few hundred bucks a month if he asked.

DD: You could leave out the gay sex description. I don't need to hear about anal explosions, bukakeem, snowballs, etc.,

Crabbie: He'd have to pay extra for that.